Me? There’s really nothing to know about me. I am somebody’s grandmother, older than dirt (well, older than mud, maybe), who is too short to safely wear a seat belt and has thereby been subjected to one too many “justice courts” out here in lovely, redneck western New York State. Having been alternately blessed with a few extra minutes and cursed with a fluency in sarcasm, this blog was born, the direct result of having collided head-on with the effrontery of His Dumb-Ass Honor and a dishonest prosecutor with legs like tree trunks, neither of whom understood the seat belt law when I stood before them but were determined nonetheless to enforce it, even if one of ’em had to lie about it. So, the not-very-legal antics I observed and the judicial conditions that allow them to flourish are now permanently memorialized in the electronic firmament —
— that is, until Someone Important discovers this blog and gets so angry that their neck veins stick out, causing them to curse and throw papers about until their frightened clerks and secretaries suddenly remember that they have to leave the office right away and won’t go back for a few hours. Even so, they will likely hear slammed doors and muttered cuss words for at least a week…at which point said clerks and secretaries will be instructed to send me a very legal letter demanding that all of this be dismantled — or, worse, they might punish me by sending Deputy Sheriff Br***s out to my home to bully me and threaten to drag me to jail in handcuffs..for “littering”…as if getting stopped by every Wayne County deputy who can find me isn’t retaliation enough…have you ever been accused of “speeding” while making a left-hand turn from a stopped position? I have, but that’s another story…
…and after reading this blog, you know how I hate to tell stories…
…if I do get a letter (or another visit) or if the appeals court decision arrives in the mail, I’ll post all the details here 😉
Meanwhile, I think I’ll drive out to Wegman’s (without wearing my seat belt!) and get some groceries so I can make cookies…real ones, not the ones you dump out of a box or slice from a plastic tube and heat up in the oven…my way of enticing the eight-year-old next door to show me how to run the DVD player and work my scanner…
…but before you go, if you are Someone Important with easily distended neck veins, you better read this:
Nothing posted herein represents any person and/or event, real or imagined, that may or may not have occurred at any time since the beginning of the world up to and including this very minute. Therefore, any similarity to any person and/or event, real or imagined, that may have occurred since the beginning of the world up to and including this very minute is unintentional, unwarranted, could not have been predicted by any reasonable person, and thereby creates no harm (other than that produced by your own paranoid fantasies, and I am not responsible for THOSE). In other words, I’m not talking about YOU, okay, and if you think I am you are wrong. So, don’t threaten me with your smarmy lawyer or Deputy Sheriff Br***s.
Instead, do this:
- Make note of this URL and then exit this site. Put your note (with the URL on it) in a safe place.
- Clean your cookies (the cyber kind, not any of the ones described above) and cache to eliminate all traces of the URL noted in step 1.
- Do not visit this site again.
- Search the Internet for something that pleases you. There’s lots of stuff out there, and I am sure you will find a blog or two that will make you forget all about this one.
- In performing Step 4, please do not forget about Step 3. In fact, refer to your note made in Step 1 ut necessarium to avoid inadvertent redirection here.
Everything should be all better now (for both of us). Okay, ‘bye, and thanks for your cooperation.